Self-Care: It's a Marathon, not a Sprint

If you were to ask me last month, "How are you?" My response would have been: exhausted, anxious, determined, angry, sad, optimistic, inspired. All of these emotions are related to the current political climate in the U.S., but they're compounded by the energy I get from folks who are speaking up about politics and current events, and figuring out what they can do, and doing it. The election and the start of the new administration have been devastating in some ways, but I don't know any so-called snowflakes who have just collapsed and stopped working or functioning in society. Instead, so many people have realized they have the capacity to make a phone call, sign a petition, and/or show up for a protest or rally. As one of my former classmates was quoted in the NY news:

I am deeply upset at what's happening in my country. I just feel like, with these executive orders, really helpless as a citizen. So it's the least I can do, to show up. Just show up.

In the midst of chaos the new POTUS was creating, this reaction was heartening. My hope for everyone, in participating in and uphold democracy for loved ones and strangers  (while simultaneously working on their careers and relationships and hobbies... you know, living their lives) also remembers their responsibility to take care of themselves.

Self-care is something I have never been an expert on, so sometimes I even have to stop and think: Just take care of yourself. Every couple years or so, I can stop and go on a long, adventurous vacation, but most of the time I have to find everyday practices that help me be mindful in the midst of everything going on. I find that approaching self-care from three sides really helps: physical, mental, and spiritual (which for me is community-focused).

One night I cooked dinner and the warmth and scent in the kitchen relaxed me even before I even ate. I'd realized I'd been getting away from healthy cooking and have been trying to do more meal planning and weekend meal prep. Exercise has been in short spurts the last couple of weeks (the rain also didn't help), but I signed up for some new weekend classes (once with a friend for a bootcamp class they really liked), and it's felt good to sweat some stress out and strengthen my body, bit by bit. And it's felt good to go for a run now that the rain has stopped. Also, it had been months since I got a salon pedicure (hey, winter!), so it felt amazing to sit down in the chair this weekend and have my feet taken care of while I started a new book.

At work, I also got to attend a two-day Search Inside Yourself workshop sponsored by my company, and I felt invigorated and optimistic by the end of it. There were maybe ~60 other folks there from functions all over the company, learning about self-awareness, mindfulness and emotional intelligence. They had a great segment on self-compassion and kindness and how they go a long way to promoting peace, in terms of helping you cultivate your own leadership skills. At another point they brought up Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning (which I had loved reading in college) and discussed how we can stop and process things before we react to something triggering. I found the workshop powerful and something I will have to incorporate into my life long-term, so I may have more to write about it later on.

Elizabeth Spencer winery tasting room

Finally, spending time around loved ones is a big way for me to nurture my spirits. After a couple weeks of rainy weather here in NorCal, a friend texted suggesting we all head up to Napa that weekend, which had a forecast of sun. So on Sunday, over wine, then a picnic, then some beer flights (& a green smoothie for myself), we all caught up and only barely discussed politics. I was also delighted to get a pop-up dinner invite from another friend - showing someone you're thinking of them and want to spend time with them seems like a small gesture but it goes a long way.

picnic grounds @ V Sattui

So that's my self-care approach distilled to three aspects of life. It can't all be done at once, but when I can sprinkle these things into my daily routines, I definitely feel like I'm better off. I'll wrap this up with a quote from a powerful article (an oldie but a goodie): 

"we can improve our lives and the lives of those around us. We can even construct a system that fulfills our founders’ promises and empowers all Americans to pursue happiness." A Formula for Happiness

Resolution

SF MoMA

In a lot of ways 2016 was personally great (loved ones got married, engaged and brought babies into this world; my husband and I both transitioned to new aspects of our jobs; I got involved with a wonderful organization, and I generally got to enjoy another year of good health and fun adventures in California) but I was still happy to see it go. My friend had the brilliant idea of going out with a bang, in the form of a wonderful feast with friends. So on NYE we had a private dining room at a San Francisco restaurant, filled with 9 fantastic people, amazing food and delicious wine. I will always remember that meal and am grateful my friend thought of putting it together.

And now, we're fully in 2017, not just feet wet but hair dunked, body temperature acclimated. There aren't any totally new habits I want to do this year that I didn't start on already- eating healthy, exercising more. All the usual self-care, wellness and fitness habits I know to do but need to actually do. The hosts and guest on my favorite podcast Another Round were discussing the difference between telling people you'll do something (like going to the gym) and actually doing it. Anyway, as I get older, self-care moves to front of mind so that I can be in good shape to take care of other things.

And those other things? Well the 2016 election taught me I can't take democracy for granted. So in 2017 I have to keep learning what's going on, finding ways to make my voice heard and find a way to make an impact where I am. Last summer thanks to a friend's suggestion, I started working with a children's organization in San Francisco; this was meant to help underprivileged kids right in my city, but it has already impacted me immensely. 

I also want to remember to speak up more, in different channels. For a long time I did not put political views on social media; in fact I have had a tenuous relationship with social media and like to think I should just be living IRL. But I'd like to learn how to use tech to advance democracy. This is one article in WSJ that I found suggesting some nonpartisan tools to track government. I also downloaded Countable, an app for tracking government, and am finding it easy to use. I joined the Women's March in San Francisco this weekend - again, thanks to brilliant friends - and resolve to keep the inspiration and energy from the event in my heart going forward, and to continue to turn it into action.

photo from Buzzfeed

And finally on the fun side, I want to do more West Coast exploring this year and am starting to make those plans. I also have loved ones getting married this year so I'll be traveling to celebrate with them (I've got one bridesmaid dress ready and am about to order another one). So among other things, there will be a lot of fun in 2017.

Original Thought, and Renaming This Blog

Lower Nob Hill

At a yoga session this past weekend, the instructor talked about our brains having no original thought, as well as how difficult it is to completely quiet the mind, even with yoga. Therefore, we could practice being aware of our thoughts and guiding them. After all, no one actually controls your unoriginal thoughts but you. (And also, when going through a challenging yoga practice, my thoughts were completely guided by what my muscles did and didn't want to do.)

Today we have so many platforms to express our thoughts and see what everyone else is thinking about every possible subject. There's so much content to consume, if we let ourselves. Social media can be great, but it also tempts many of us to spout off whatever is on our mind at a given moment, without any further consideration. Is that really the stimulation we want, for ourselves and those around us? For me, the practice of composing a longer post also helps me guide my thoughts and express them more coherently. It makes me slow down and pay attention, to be more mindful of what I send out to the world. Because of course it's also not just about  "me" or even "you" but the world around us.

And that is the overall purpose of my blog, and why I rechristened it this year as "Mindfully Modern." Throughout the content blitzes and hectic schedules, my goal is to remain discerning and to still be able to see the simplicity in life. Enjoy the world today, and reflect on it. Namaste.

Travel to Make the World Smaller

A hastily (but carefully) packed duffel bag or carry-on suitcase, a laptop and a bunch of small items hidden within a sleek tote, an electronic boarding pass getting scanned from my phone - for me these are the hallmarks of travel. I like to think I'm pretty good at packing a bag and living temporarily on the go. Not that that is a vital part of travel, but it really really helps.

Big Sur, Big Birthday

Edge of the world (Garrapata State Park)

Role Models: Why Not Me?

goodreads

A couple weeks ago I read Why Not Me? by Mindy Kaling and thoroughly enjoyed it. Not surprising since I'm a fan of her first book as well. The "All the Opinions You Will Ever Need" section was my favorite (it featured the great essay on confidence). Her reflections on said confidence, body image, 4 a.m. anxieties, and hard work are hilarious and completely spot on.

September Wrap Up

Gloria Ferrer winery, Sonoma

Another wrap up post, another moment of disbelief that another month really has gone by. With a lot of hot weather ("hot weather" will always remind me of Uli from Project Runway Season 2) for San Francisco and the surrounding area, the theme for September (besides finding a fan for the apartment) was being outdoors and exploring different parts of the city:

Life (& Links) Lately

good advice, Mission district

I've had a bunch of ideas and unfinished drafts for posts that hopefully I'll get to soon. It's hard to believe summer is 'over' though in SF terms we are still drawing it out. This past weekend I was at Ocean Beach for a few glorious hours with friends (& their friends) coming and going. It was one of those serendipitous times when everyone is actually free at the same time and willing to meet in the same spot.


Links I've Been Reading:
Claire Mazur's My Beauty Uniform interview on Cup of Jo - I really love the Of a Kind newsletter by Claire and her business partner Erica, and I'd be lying by omission if I didn't say I admire Claire's curly hair.

a reflection on clothing purchases on The Billfold - recently I donated another (small) bag of clothes that mostly came from the "I haven't worn this in a while but maybe I still want it" pile. Luckily they weren't items I purchased in the past year.

Good news came today in that my alma mater made a gesture in support of Cosby's victims and women everywhere. This is the first time Fordham has taken back an honorary degree. Sometimes there is a little bit of justice in the world.

Elle's interview of Judith Light - I finally got around to checking out Transparent and love her in it, so I googled what was up with her.

[updated] This interview of travel writer Kelly Lack after I came across her instagram and heard about the new app Spot.

I also finished Mindy Kaling's Why Not Me? in less than a week (that's really quick for me these days) while commuting and waiting for a table at a trendy brunch place. I definitely want to write more about that - and some friends and I decided we should finally just create a book club and make that our first book. Coming up soon are a family visit, some concerts, and some friends' weddings. Finally, I have just a few weeks left of my 20s. I always consider my birthday my own personal 'new year' and, helped along with back-to-school season I guess, usually around this time of year I try to recharge and consider how far I've come (pretty far), and what else there is to accomplish (quite a lot).

The Characters of Dolores Park

come here often?

Fogust has ended and I am fully enjoying San Francisco's Indian Summer... which has actually started with a bit of a heat wave (80s/90s) in the area. I know, I know, I can't complain... but I am about to buy a fan for my very warm apartment.

Anyway, this was the perfect weekend to head out to Dolores Park. I never have a bad time in the park. I've been going about once a month since early spring and besides enjoying the scenery and the sunny weather, I am always entertained by the good people of San Francisco. There was the time a group of fun-lovers took a rainbow parachute (the kind we used in gym class/playtime growing up) and ran around to cover different groups of people in it. Another time, everyone stopped what they were doing to watch the drone that was watching all of us - was it friendly? was it recording? was the owner even in the park? Just realized I haven't seen the dancing robot in a long time... not sure what to make of that.

August Wrap Up - NorCal Summer

urban sidewalk garden, Mission district

Lately, I haven't had much free time during the week outside of work and work-related events, so I've particularly savored any down time. And while I took a few much-needed moments to space out on the couch as well as to clean and organize my neglected home, I also wanted to continue taking advantage of free time to hang with friends and explore the area. I've gone around the Bay Area a bit (floating down the Russian River, barbecuing at China Beach in Marin, chilling out in Half Moon Bay). In the city itself I've mostly stuck to my part of town, going to a couple more Giants games, checking out some new-to-me restaurants and bars, and trying to avoid Karl the Fog during the month of Fogust. A while back I read this post on Apartment Therapy and realized I adhere to the mantra: "The city is my living room." In words and pictures here is what August looked like:

Summer Style

Over the last couple years my wardrobe purchases have slanted toward neutral/minimalist/basic (it just makes it so much easier to get dressed in the morning!) but that doesn't mean I've completely ruled out the fun and bright pieces. Here are some of the items I've bought in recent months to round out my summer wardrobe, aka what I throw on when I'm headed to the park, to brunch, to the stadium, the beach, the woods, the bar, etc. 

Except for my Birkenstocks, my sandals from previous years are pretty worn and I need more comfortable options. I found the above brightly patterned cloth espadrilles on the clearance rack at Anthropologie and they have been so fun to wear around; they are actually padded which I find rare in espadrilles and they feel like I'm walking around in slippers. They're a jolt of brightness to otherwise neutral outfits. The sandals below are a Nordstrom Rack discovery, and the silk pineapple-print top was a sample sale find from Amour Vert, a local sustainable (& beautiful) clothing line. I also bought printed silk pants at that sample sale though sadly I haven't taken any photos with them; you'll have to trust me when I say they go nicely with a plain top and sandals.

And here are some of the more neutral pieces making up my wardrobe, aside from the usual jeans and t-shirts:

July Wrap Up (Three Years in San Francisco)

from Pinterest

This month is my three-year anniversary of moving to San Francisco! Since I moved here during the summer, every year around this time I am reminded of that whole process, especially the housing search. I remember thinking, somewhat arrogantly, that if I could survive the NYC apartment search and even the DC market, then surely I could secure a place out in this "little" city. 5 days and 15 appointments/open houses later, I finally put an earnest deposit down on a spot, and it's become my home base for the past few years of West Coast adventures.

With that, here's the latest...

Summer Travels: NY-NJ-DC

ESB

I just spent about a week across the country back in New Jersey, New York City, and Washington, DC. Since I'm from/have lived in these places, I stayed with family and friends. My luggage mostly stayed in one spot, and I'd have a tote bag of everything I needed for the next 1-2 days (all hail the mighty tote bag). Even though I was out there for a whole week, it still felt like a whirlwind because there's always so much to do and so many people to see.

New Jersey to me is always family time, first with my family and now including my husband's. I don't have any pics from that time but I enjoyed seeing the relatives as well as catching up with old friends. Usually in the summers I get to go down the shore at some point, but this year I just didn't have the time, although the weather hadn't been that great for the beach so that's how I'm comforting myself. This trip did have a some mall shopping (NJ loves its malls and no sales tax on clothes), breakfast at a diner, and late night disco fries, so that it was good quality Jersey time. 

New York is always fun because even though I'm fairly certain I'll never live in the city again, I love going back to visit and walking around to see what's changed and what is still the same. Even though it was ridiculously humid on the days I visited, I walked about a cumulative seven or eight miles through the city. I was in Brooklyn (walked from downtown to Fort Greene), Chelsea, Midtown and Harlem. I finally got to go to The Grange which my friends had recommended for a while now... I am a little sad it didn't exist back when I lived up the street. 

Ft Greene

Yo is Brooklyn in the house...

street art

Then the reason for traveling this specific week was actually to end up in DC for a friend's wedding... actually two classmates of mine from when I went to grad school in DC ended up falling in love and getting married, and they decided to have their wedding near where they met. It was at a beautiful vineyard in Virginia, the weather was perfect, the music was this awesome 90s cover band whose concerts we loved back in school, and of course it was wonderful to have such a wonderful reason to hang out with good friends.

Bluemont Vineyard

Of course being a whirlwind trip, we ALSO saw a friend of mine from undergrad - a friend I had met when we studied in Spain, who moved to DC after I moved out of there. I hadn't seen her since my own wedding and it was good to spend a little time with her and her husband, see their new condo, and meet their adorable rescue dog. Again it was fun to see all the latest changes in a city I used to live in and see old friends make their home there.

And now I'm back home, back on the grind. It'll be another few months before I head back East but I am already looking forward to it.

homeward bound

(late) June Wrap Up

flower arrangements by Bloom That for Negroni Week

I like to have a recap of each month so that I don't just let it fly by without some reflection, or at least acknowledgment. Summer is flying by, though, and so much has been happening, and I can't believe it's July (wasn't it *just* MDW?).

June went by so fast because there was so much going on. It started off with Negroni Week, and a friend & I got to attend a special party thrown by Women & Whiskies. I hosted a couple events for my grad program (one bringing together alumni, and another for our incoming & current students interning in the Bay Area this summer). And I also attended batting practice with a couple friends before a Giants game, and we got to walk along the field before the game started!

pre-game!

For more nature-oriented activities, I went camping (for the first time!), up at Lassen. It was quickly followed by another camping trip at Marshall, part of the Point Reyes National Seashore. On the first trip we had a cabin that we drove up to, but for the second trip we kayaked to the beach and set up tents along the shore. Our tent was on a bed of clover and protected from the wind/mist under some pine trees. In the past couple months I've gotten a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, and tent... basically I can go anywhere now.

camping @ Marshall, CA

Farewell to a fun June, and cheers to a great upcoming July!

Life Lately: Friendships & Gratitude

Stable Cafe, SF (taken a couple weekends ago)

Yesterday turned out to be a gorgeous sunny day in the city (& I was in the Richmond, Cole Valley/Haight and Potrero Hill... aka neighborhoods with quite different microclimates.). Today I'll be hanging in the park for a coworker's birthday, and it looks to be as equally beautiful outside. Summer is in full swing and I've been getting to see lots of different friends. Friends from high school and undergrad have passed through the area recently for work and we were able to meet and catch up. I am so thankful our paths keep crossing even as we've each moved around, and know that it helps I live in a major metro area.

Overall I have so much gratitude for the friendships I've developed in the last few years, whether deepening relationships with old friends or forming new friend circles. Making (& keeping) adult friends can be tricky what with scheduling, multiple social circles and other commitments. It's no longer the cliques of middle school but an ever-evolving/expanding crew where everyone is welcome. It helps that many of us are recent transplants to the city and are exploring together. I have always tried to be open to new people but that doesn't mean I wasn't a little concerned about making friends when moving out here (or rather, moving further from a well-established network). Since I'm not sure yet if I'll be settling down out here for good or making another move (though not anytime soon), it's in the back of my mind that I may have to redevelop friendships again down the line.

Other things I'm grateful for: current good health among loved ones, since this hasn't always been the case; upcoming travel plans to see family and friends, including a wedding; the ability to pick up the phone and call a childhood friend to catch up on life; a busy but productive week at work. 

Weekend Off the Grid

home sweet, no-electricity-or-plumbing home.

I'll admit, camping per se has not been on my bucket list. Mainly it's because I wouldn't be good at it. If the apocalypse came and we'd have to use basic survival skills, I probably wouldn't be around for much longer. I still appreciate majestic views and the chance to unplug as much as the next person, though. Back in January when a group of our friends decided to reserve a cabin in a national park in northern California we said "sure!" (and then I had to order a sleeping bag). Well it was finally time to go. I took Friday afternoon off from work, told my team I wouldn't have internet access until Sunday evening, and peace'd out.


We drove to Lassen Volcanic National Park which, I have no shame in admitting, I never heard of before moving to California. I'd first heard of it a couple years ago when a coworker went camping up there, then when I read Wild last year. It's far enough from the nearest city ("city") that camping is basically your only option to make the trek worth it, and it's not as crowded as other big name parks. I think our group definitely looked like a bunch of 'city folk' but we're fairly outdoorsy and we were pretty gung ho about camping, or rather, glamping. We cooked all our meals over the campfire and used only one gas stove, mostly to boil water... and everything was delicious. My husband chopped firewood, taught our friends all about campfire-making. We had a hammock, the ultimate slow-your-roll piece of "furniture". Our phones were on airplane mode... we weren't getting service anyway... but we still used them as cameras, of course! I brought my kindle and did a little bit of reading among the redwoods, but mostly just hung out admiring nature and chatting with the friends (You know you're in good company when you don't need outside entertainment).

May Wrap Up

sunset at Bodega Bay

Some favorite moments of May: witnessing dear friends celebrate marriage; having my best friend visit from out of town; celebrating my husband's birthday with a weekend getaway and hiking among redwoods; and as always enjoying San Francisco during meals with friends and meandering through the Mission. I'll be at a music festival this weekend, which is the best way I could think of to start the summer.

Treat Yo'self

Mashable/Getty Images

This weekend I got a haircut, foot & back massage, a Pilates class and a new sweater. :)

It would be nice to say I planned this weekend to be full of self-care but in truth it just came about somewhat organically.

April Wrap Up

Well, last month felt like a blur. There were milestones to celebrate with friends: birthdays, a baby shower, and I kicked off May with a wedding of dear friends last weekend. April started with Easter weekend, and ended with watching the team my husband coaches win against their biggest rival in the last game of the season. (Then May started with watching them win their league championship, in double OT!) My favorite activities in April included volunteering at the Boys & Girls Club (an event I set up through my office) and seeing The Book of Mormon. And in between all these things there was work and sleep and such...

personal photo

A Number (Thirtyish)

April at Fisherman's Wharf, San Francisco

This month marks my half-birthday, which maybe isn't a big 'thing' but I remember using it in college as an excuse to party. This year, it marks a six-month countdown to turning 30. I remember being 25, living in Washington DC and going to drinks after work for someone's birthday. It was their 30th and they asked me if I wasn't anxious about turning 30. I shrugged and said something like, "Nah, I don't see a reason to be... plus that's a long way off." Welp, those five years have come and (are almost) gone!

A lot's changed for me since then. Some changes were big milestones (grad school, moving cross-country, new job, marriage) but I'm sure there are many more changes that have been subtle and slow-burning. So when I turn 30 it may not feel like much of a change from today, but compared to 25 (and especially to 20!) it's huge.

I still don't see a reason to be anxious, but I do find myself more reflective on aging recently: